As Her Majesty parachuted safely in the centre circle, the industrial revolution gave birth to Dizzie Rascal and the giant dancing McDonal'ds TM fries got switched off one by one by machinegun totting squaddies, Uma wiped a solitary tear of excitement and helped herself to another cuppa. So far so good. The boy Doyle -he who got immortalised in the song "Danny Boyle Oh Danny Boyle"- had done good. Mancunia: 1 - Rest of the world: 0.
Why, in between the sprouting fountains of Coca Cola TM, rising NHS beds and bursts of Techno Faceless Bollix, he managed to give us a cameo by Our Daniel aka James Bond!!!!!!!!1 (drool). Our Daniel's stint was -like- totally ace and deffo fab. Didn't see this one coming, not least after dropping a penguin on him carrying the torch at PaddyPower earlier during the afternoon. Now one will obviously refrain from commenting on Boyle's featuring of "God Save The Queen" (and "Pretty Vacant" to boot!) by revolting young scoundrels The Sax Pistols in the presence of Her Majesty. We had a good laugh nonetheless.
It was good to see our friend Kenneth Branagh, Mike Oldfield, the 'Ctics, Sir Paul, Muse, thousands of perfectly choreographed volunteers, totally eco-friendly Bhopal Union Carbide TM neon signs, seven billion MasterCard TM statements falling off the sky, actual lambs cavorting about on dew dripping pastures of (-that's enough, Ed.). In the end, GoldenBollix didn't get to light up that cauldron yoke which is a shame -criminally overlooked David Beckham could do with a bit of media exposure.
I wasn't aware of the fact that Dizzie Rascal "Bonkers" belongs to the "grime" genre -I call it dance music myself- but Trevor Nelson must be right. Talking of which, since the cheeky scallywag managed to slip in a couple of shout-outs to his sis, I would like to gratuitously mention my own agent Malcolm McLaren, bessie Emer C., sponsor Bodyform TM, inspiration Tabatha Cash and contact number @loig7san. So there.
Emotional moments: the tribute to the "7/7" London Tube and bus bombings (there was a remarkable documentary about it recently on BBC2) and Muhammad Ali. Life can be as cruel as it can be beautiful.
In the fckwit category, no event of British public life would be complete without a T*ry making an arse of himself. Enter "the right and honourable" (sic) Aidan Burley who called the ceremony "multicultural crap" ( http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2012/jul/28/olympics-opening-ceremony-multicultural-crap-tory-mp ). ...Mr Burley is better known for having lost his government job after attending a Nazi-themed stag party.
And now for the real question: them Olympian flagbearers eh... Who was the hottest? Well Uma thought long and hard about it, and here are the results.
-In first place, we must have Our Katie (Taylor, Ireland). Cos' that's a fact.
-Serious contender: Djibouti (stunner)
-a tie between Chile, Colombia (I like them South American girls) and Marshall Islands
-Finland, Iceland, Norway (slighty more Aryan)
-Sao Tome and Principe
-Morocco, Liberia, Iraq
-late entry by Guam and Luxembourg. In Uma's famously charitable worldview, you're all winners!
(The UK could only get multigoldmedalled Sir Chris to lead the parade -but he's a bloke.)
This concludes our first report on twenty-twelve (-Reader's voice: ?!!!?????!). Stay tuned for beach-volleyball, MarsBars TM speed-eating, French women football gold-medal winning, and Jessica Ennis perving. Peace yo'all! Uma declares these Olympics open.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ISy0Hl0SBfg
On the subject of young mr. Rascal, here is a classic moment in recent British TV as El Paxo meets his match: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tM1XrVVVBAk
